The Valentine Heart
Tuesday, February 12th 2008 @ 10:16 AM (not yet rated)
What do we want on February 14? We want to be loved and we want that love to show up a certain way. We want chocolates, romantic dinners, red roses...
sparkling jewelry, or a valentine card. We have been trained to expect this from the time we were young girls. Where is my valentine? Don’t you love me?
When we don’t get the goods we expect, we cry out as if love were all about a red silhouette on a piece of paper. The other days of the year fade away; we want love on February 14th.
While you are waiting on all those external validations of romance and love, you can do something really wonderful for yourself and everyone around you. You can work on your Valentine Heart. Valentines Day is about giving love. An interesting fact is that 85% of all valentine cards are purchased by women, so we’re all about loving someone.
Your Valentine Heart can open, and the edges soften toward everyone in your life. Where do you blame your loved ones for not being what you expect? When we were born, our hearts were open and we loved without reason. Growing older is like hardening of the arteries. There are places in our hearts like little shadows on an x-ray, pieces of blame and resentment that pile up to close us off.
Our lifetime of conditioning can be reversed. Having an open Valentine Heart every day of the year just takes awareness and practice.
When you think about Feb 14, do you experience fear or do you experience love? Are you afraid that no one loves you? Are you afraid to love yourself? Are you afraid it won’t show up the way you think it should?
You can distinguish between love and fear because love is real, and all fear is made up thoughts about how things should be. When you have a thought like “He or she doesn’t really love me” ask yourself, is that really true? Or does it just show itself in a different form. Look at how the mind causes separation when it says life can only be a certain way.
When I look to others to give me what I think I need, I realize love starts with me giving to them, and even more importantly, giving to myself. I enjoy taking myself out to my favorite restaurant, getting a massage, walking alone, or spending time in meditation.
The resentment we hold for others starts with the resentment we hold for ourselves. The Valentine Heart is about love for yourself and being open to what you are feeling. Soften your heart toward yourself and start to relax. This is what Buddhists call the soft spot, the tenderness of life. Look at where you think someone else should make you feel a certain way and just let it go.
When I was younger I received the requisite jewelry, chocolate, and cards on Valentines Day. My husband and I, after 30 plus years, are past the stage of high romance, so I thought about other ways he shows love for me. He changes the cat box litter. He cleans out the refrigerator. He unloads the dryer (he complains, mind you, but still!) He reminds me for the 10th time that I still need to upgrade my internet security. Not so romantic, the love just shows up in a different way now. Looking at what he does do versus what he doesn’t do is ongoing practice.
Yesterday, when I got home from work, there were unexpectedly a dozen red roses on the table. He said he got them in the grocery store because he knew it was close to Valentine’s Day. My heart immediately softened toward him. The truth is he loves roses because they remind him of his mother. So maybe that was his way of showing love for his heart as well as mine. (And the cat loves them too.)
So think about love on Valentines Day in all its many forms, and don’t be attached to what you think love should be. I wish you joy and an open heart on February 14!
XOXO
Donna Fleetwood
Beekeeper and Coach
